


Cause I've Been Hitting Up Your Phone All Day

by monarchyofroses



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Humor, Isak Valtersen and Even Bech Næsheim are ridiculously in love, M/M, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2018-12-06 06:59:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11595333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monarchyofroses/pseuds/monarchyofroses
Summary: Convos between Isak and Even. And Isak and people. But mostly Isak and Even.





	1. Chamber of Secrets

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Sean Kingston's, "BBM".

**Even** (21:04)

ISAK

OH MY FUCKING GOD 

 

 **Isak** (21:05)

_What?_

_What happened?_

_Are you okay?_

**Isak** (21:07)

_Even_

 

 **Even** (21:08)

I was just

Shit 

 

 **Isak** (21:08)

_?_

 

 **Even** (21:10)

I was just watching Harry Potter with my parents and I realized I've never asked you if you've taken the Pottermore quiz 

You know, the one that tells you in which Hogwarts house you belong?

 

 **Isak** (21:12)

_What are you talking about?_

 

 **Even** (21:13) 

Please tell me you've seen Harry Potter because I don't want to break up with you 

 

 **Isak** (21:14) 

_I mean_

_I watched Chamber of Secrets_

 

 **Even** (21:14)

That's it!? 

I can't believe this

 

 **Isak** (21:15)

_The whole saga is boring as hell, what did you expect?_

 

 **Even** (21:15)

I expected you to have good taste in at least ONE movie, maybe? I don't know

 

 **Isak** (21:16)

_You're so dramatic_

 

 **Even** (21:18)

Do the Pottermore quiz 

I already know you're a Slytherin, but still

It'd be nice

 

 **Isak** (21:19) 

_Slytherin?_

_Isn't it the house where all the assholes are in?_

 

 **Even** (21:19)

Pretty much, yes

 

 **Isak** (21:21)

_Fuck you_

_I'm gonna do the quiz so you can cry over how wrong you were_

 

 **Even** (21:21) 

;) 

 

 **Isak** (21:24) 

_In which Hogwarts house are you in, anyway?_

 

 **Even** (21:24)

Guess

 

 **Isak** (21:25) 

_Even, I don't know shit about Harry Potter_

_I'm not guessing_

 

 **Even** (21:26) 

Ravenclaw

 

 **Isak** (21:31)

_Oiiiii_

_Mr Smarty Pants must have been very happy to be sorted in Ravenclaw_

_(These questions are ridiculous and pointless, by the way)_

 

 **Even** (21:32) 

You are ridiculous and pointless

Do not blame the questions, Isak 

 

 **Isak** (21:35) 

_When are you going to be home?_

_:(_

 

 **Even** (21:35) 

FOCUS ON THE QUIZ 

 

 **Isak** (21:36)

_Jesus Christ_

**Isak** (21:39)

 _Eh, Slytherin_

 

 **Even** (21:41) 

Told you baby 

 

 **Isak** (21:42)

_This is so unfair_

_Pottermore just told me I belong with the assholes and you're just agreeing with it_

 

 **Even** (21:43)

Hey

Not all Slytherins are assholes 

Sana, for example. She's pretty nice

 **Even** (21:44)

Not your case, though. You're an asshole. 

 

 **Isak** (21:45) 

_I spy with my little eye a Ravenclaw boy who's not getting laid tonight_

 

 **Even** (21:45) 

NO

I'M SORRY


	2. Tongues and bacteria

**Isak** (08:13)

_Quick question_

_Do you brush your tongue while you're brushing your teeth?_

 

 **Even** (08:15)

Uh, yes? Why? 

You don't?

 

 **Isak** (08:17)

_Why the fuck wouldn't I?_

_Like, do you know how much bacteria is currently living on our tongues?_

 

 **Even** (08:18)

How much? 

 

 **Isak** (08:18)

_A lot!_

**Isak** (08:19)

_And it does not only end up in bad breath, but also in tooth damage_

 

 **Even** (08:21)

May I ask why are you giving me all this information about tongues and their bacteria?

I promise I clean mine

 

 **Isak** (08:22)

_Ugh, I believe you_

 

 **Even** (08:22)

Where is this coming from, then?

 

 **Isak** (08:23)

_Magnus doesn't clean his_

 

 **Even** (08:24)

Oh

 

 **Isak** (08:25)

_Oh indeed_

_Isn't it the most disgusting thing in the whole wide world?_

 

 **Even** (08:27)

There are plenty of more disgusting things in the whole wide world than some white guy not cleaning his tongue, Isak 

 

 **Isak** (08:28)

_Name one_

 

 **Even** (08:28)

Pineapple pizza

 

 **Isak** (08:29)

_Can you please focus?_

_This is very serious_

 

 **Even** (08:30)

Alright, alright 

**Even** (08:31)

Maybe he doesn't need to clean it? Not all tongues are the same, maybe his tongue is naturally clean or something 

 

 **Isak** (08:34)

_Are you really trying to say not all tongues need to be cleaned?_

_What the fuck, Even_

_There's no such thing as "naturally clean" tongues, are you on crack?_

 

 **Even** (08:36)

Why is it bothering you so much, anyway? It's not you who gets to suck on his tongue full of bacteria, after all 

Unless you're cheating on me 

 

 **Isak** (08:37)

_Nah, you deserve to be cheated on with someone hotter than Magnus_

 

 **Even** (08:37)

Am I supposed to take that as a compliment?

 

 **Isak** (08:38)

_Be a dear and make him brush his tongue_

_Please baby_

 

 **Even** (08:40)

I can't force Magnus into brushing his tongue, that's up to him 

 

 **Isak** (08:42)

_You won't need to force him, just tell him he should brush it and then he will_

_He would jump out of a balcony if you told him he should_

 

 **Even** (08:42)

Again, why is it bothering you so much? 

 

 **Isak** (08:43)

_I don't know, it's just_

**Isak** (08:44) 

_It makes me feel uneasy, knowing his tongue is all gross while he speaks to me_

 

 **Even** (08:45)

You're so fucking weird


	3. The Assholes™

**Even** (13:11)

Kill me now 

 

 **Isak** (13:12)

_Let me guess_

_Your co-workers are talking about capitalism and "not in a bad way" again_

 

 **Even** (13:14)

No

My co-workers are talking shit about Tim Burton's movies 

And, okay. Why am I still working here? 

 

 **Isak** (13:16)

_Because you need the money to be my sugar daddy_

_Don't make me break up with you to go find a rich one_

 

 **Even** (13:17)

Right, that's exactly why I got this ugly job. It has nothing to do with paying the bills. 

 

 **Isak** (13:18)

_Paying the bills? As in contributing with the system?_

_How capitalist of you, Even_

 

 **Even** (13:21)

Because driving your spoiled ass to Mc Donald's at three in the morning is not contributing with the system, not at all 

 

 **Isak** (13:22)

_Since when are we talking about my spoiled ass?_

 

 **Even** (13:22)

Since now 

**Even** (13:23)

Really, kill me 

 

 **Isak** (13:25)

_What did The Assholes™ say this time?_

 

 **Even** (13:28)

They're agreeing on Coraline being Tim Burton's worst movie because it used to scare them when they were kids 

 

 **Isak** (13:28)

_I didn't know Coraline was Tim Burton's_

 

 **Even** (13:29)

It's not! 

They don't know shit about movies and yet here they are, making themselves look all ignorant and stupid 

 

 **Isak** (13:30)

_Am I really witnessing you call some guys "ignorant and stupid"?_

 

 **Even** (13:32)

They deserve it 

Coraline is just

Cinematographic art 

 

 **Isak** (13:33)

_And not Tim Burton's_

 

 **Even** (13:33)

And especially not Tim Burton's 

 

 **Isak** (13:34)

_Tell you what_

**Isak** (13:35)

_You grin and bare with the ignorant and stupid assholes a few more hours and when you get home we can watch Coraline together_

 

 **Even** (13:36)

You do know the way to my pants 

Heart* 

Typo


	4. Terrible pick-up lines

**Even** (19:47)

Isak, you look ill tonight... 

 

 **Isak** (19:48)

_Yeah_

_That kind of happens when you're, you know, ill_

**Isak** (19:49) 

_Aren't you supposed to be buying my meds right now instead of pointing out the obvious?_

 

 **Even** (19:50)

...You must be suffering from a lack of Vitamin ME. 

 

 **Isak** (19:50)

_Oh my God_

 

 **Even** (19:53)

You like maths? Because I want you to ADD you to my life, SUBTRACT your clothes, DIVIDE your legs and MULTIPLY ourselves. 

 

 **Isak** (19:55)

_Okay first of all, we can't multiply ourselves_

_Second of all, stop talking to me or I'll call the police_

 

 **Even** (19:55)

If you call the police they're totally taking you, not me

 

 **Isak** (19:56)

_And why's that?_

 

 **Even** (19:56)

Because DAMN BOY, it's illegal to look that fine 

 

 **Isak** (19:56)

_I thought I looked ill, like, right now ago_

 

 **Even** (19:57)

Why are you ruining my pick-up lines? 

 

 **Isak** (19:58)

_Why are you sending me such terrible pick-up lines in the first place?_

 

 **Even** (19:58)

Because I'm bored! 

This queue is taking forever 

 

 **Isak** (19:59)

_This fever is also taking forever_

 

 **Even** (20:04)

Do you have a cold?

 

 **Isak** (20:06)

_Even, are you serious?_

_You've been complaining about my sneezes since you woke up today_

 

 **Even** (20:06)

...Because you're giving me the chills, baby ;) 

 

 **Isak** (20:06)

_Goodbye_


	5. Nice to meet you hungry

**Even** (12:06)

Baby

When are you going to be home?

 

 **Isak** (12:07) 

_I've just arrived at the shops, so I guess in twenty minutes?_

_Why?_

 

 **Even** (12:07) 

I'm hungry

 

 **Isak** (12:08) 

_Nice to meet you hungry, I'm Isak_

 

 **Even** (12:08) 

Oh you think you're funny?

 

 **Isak** (12:09)

_I don't "think" I'm funny, Even_

_I know I'm funny_

 

 **Even** (12:10)

Thought you were Isak?

 

 **Isak** (12:10)

_Okay let me give you some funny advice_

_You can't use my own jokes against me_

_It doesn't work that way_

**Isak** (12:11)

_Because you may think you are as funny as me, but you are not_

_And it's sad to see_

 

 **Even** (12:12)

You know what else is sad to see? 

Someone eating chicken salad right in front of your face and you not getting any of it.

 

 **Isak** (12:13) 

_Are you threatening me right now?_

_With my food?_

 

 **Even** (12:14)

Maybe

 

 **Isak** (12:14) 

_That's low, even for you_

 

 **Even** (12:15)

Stop replying to me and speed up the shopping a little bit 

 

 **Isak** (12:15)

_Stop texting me then_

 

 **Even** (12:16) 

Don't forget to buy soap

 

 **Isak** (12:16)

_Speaking of, should I get you the vanilla or the aloe vera one?_

 

 **Even** (12:17) 

Aloe vera

 

 **Isak** (12:18)

_Vanilla it is_

 

 **Even** (12:18)

Why do you even ask me 

 

 **Isak** (12:19)

_Oh, you know_

_To make you think you're still in charge of yourself and your soaps_

_If you made the correct decision then this awkward conversation wouldn't be happening_

 

 **Even** (12:20) 

I can't believe I'm in love with you

 

 **Isak** (12:20) 

_Thought you were Even?_

 

 **Even** (12:21)

Fuck you


	6. Can you even reach my neck?

**Isak** (08:03)

_Even_

_I just woke up and the dog was sleeping right next to me_

 

 **Even** (08:05)

Oh wow

Good fucking morning to me 

 

 **Isak** (08:05) 

_I’m not joking around okay?_

**Isak** (08:06)

_I didn’t even want a dog in the first place, let alone the animal sleeping in my bed_

 

 **Even** (08:07) 

So by “animal” you meant our son and by “my bed” you meant our bed? 

 

 **Isak** (08:09) 

_By animal I meant animal and by my bed I meant my soon to be bed if this happens again_

 

 **Even** (08:10) 

That dog loves you, Isak. How is this my fault? 

He doesn’t realize his love for you is definitely one sided 

 

 **Isak** (08:12) 

_Oh my God_

_I like him just fine_

_And this is your fault because you are not supposed to let him in our bedroom and you just keep doing it_

 

 **Even** (08:13) 

Okay I made a decision 

 

 **Isak** (08:13) 

_?_

 

 **Even** (08:14) 

I’m not going to eat you out until you accept he’s part of our family now 

 

 **Isak** (08:15)

_Why are you trying to make it seem like I’m the one who can’t go without you eating me out?_

 

 **Even** (08:15) 

I CAN GO WITHOUT EATING YOU OUT. 

 

 **Isak** (08:16) 

_I just rolled my eyes_

 

 **Even** (08:16) 

You don’t get to roll your eyes if I can't see you

 

 **Isak** (08:17) 

_Now I rolled my eyes even harder_

 

 **Even** (08:17) 

Is it weird that the idea of you rolling your eyes is turning me on?

 

 **Isak** (08:17)

_I swear to God, Even, I’m going to strangle you to death when you get home_

 

 **Even** (08:18) 

Can you even reach my neck? 

**Even** (08:32) 

Why are you taking so long to reply, are you getting a ladder or something?

 

 **Isak** (08:37) 

_I can’t wait for you to meet our cat_

 

 **Even** (08:38) 

Wait our what?

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are appreciated! 
> 
> Also, feel free to send me prompts :)


End file.
